Happy Birthday Mother

Helen Elaine Kern Markwart
July 31, 1921 - May 6, 1999.

Shortly after mother died I was fortunate to be able to join a mother/daughter grief group. This was a wonderful experience where adult daughters shared the sadness and loss due to the death of our mothers. Each of us brought a unique experience to the group. I was and am grateful for the experience.

During the group I often doodled in my journal while listening to the others share their thoughts and feelings. In spite of the sometimes strained relationship I had with her I was able to think of many things for which I am thankful that I had the mother I had.



During the early days of my grieving, I spent time making a lamp shade with old buttons that she had. Doesn't every mother have a collection of old buttons? Touching all those buttons, many I remember from my childhood, was a healing experience. Sewing each one, one at a time, onto the shade was meditative as well. Later I found the perfect lamp base and the whole thing is magnificent. After I die, I wonder who will want mother's beautiful lamp.

I edited my "I figured it out today" post

And looking back on it I realize that this is how I live my life, looking inward and upward and a little outward. And then the dreaded word came up:

Introspection; that's i-n-t-r-o-s-p-e-c-t-i-o-n.

Then I was reminded of the time I was labeled; "introspective to a dangerous degree" by a less than reliable source.

Remember that? I say pshaw, that's not me. Introspective, yes. Dangerous? I don't think so.

Besides, I already let you in on my secret in my very first post back on on September 1, 2005. Yea Socrates.

Any thoughts out there on introspection? or sin? or????

and more......

I already mentioned that it seems if you go looking for the worst in life, you will find it. It has always been there in every age and generation. But are we to focus on it?

I prefer to face the truth about life and at the same time try and see the good in my fellow human beings.

For example, after the wedding of Jenna Bush I began trying to see her father as a dad instead as a President. It really helps when you stop to humanize those with whom you disagree.

Disclaimer: I am an independent/moderate politically, neither conservative nor liberal. Those labels are simply too limiting in this complex and fallen world.

This life often has its challenges but God is with us and all will be well.

Psalm 30:5 - For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

I figured it out today, I think...

It seems if you go looking for the worst in life, you will find it. Sure there is all the evil out there (in the culture) but what about the good?

Warning: I am not a trained theologian, although some say those who seek after God are all theologians. Here are some ideas of mine;

Sin is a noun, it is not a verb (an action word). Sin is a condition. Separated from God and God’s desire for our communion with God and each other, with ourselves and with the environment.

The verbs, (to make) a mistake, to err, to (commit) a crime, etc. those actions are results of the separation and often speak to our “human nature.” I don’t think of those actions as “sin” in and of themselves but actions we choose as a result of our sinful/separated state.

I think infants are born innocent (never having yet made a mistake) but still born in the separated state to parents also in the separated state whom God placed in their particular time in history. If you are reading this, then you like me are here and now. This is our particular time in history.

For me pursuing God and the purpose to life all the while recognizing God's longing for me, are daily steps I take to help me narrow my separation gap.

Does this make any sense? It may be a simplistic way to look at the subject. But that is ok for now, because I am still working on it, all of it.